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Heather Lokteff, LPC

Counseling and Mental Health Therapy for Adolescents, Adults & Couples

Featured Posts

Oversharing.

Oversharing.

There’s quite the spectrum between guardedness and oversharing. Many people struggle with that catch-22 of “I need to feel trust in order to be vulnerable, and I need to be vulnerable in order to truly trust.” Brene Brown speaks in profound and relevant ways about this issue of vulnerability in her book, “Daring Greatly”. Many people struggle with being too guarded in relationships, which leads to feeling unknown, hidden, distant, isolated, and disconnected. Her main poin

Stresssss.

Stresssss.

Stress is basically any change you have to adapt to. Good or bad, positive or negative, large or small, change causes stress, but it’s not all bad. Imagine feeling stress-free all the time; you might not get anything done or engage in life at all. If nothing ever changed, imagine how boring life would be. On the flipside, sometimes everything hits at once. Researchers have found that illnesses and mental health disorder symptoms are more likely to develop after experien

Courage

Characteristics of Healthy Families

Supportive & Communicative Free, open, easy, spontaneous communication and listening Promotion of intimacy and autonomy Empathy and expression of affection Affirm and support one another Develop a sense of trust Joy and comfort in relating (humor, warmth, optimism) Parents as Leaders Strong marriage (shared power, intimacy and cooperation; devoted, not competitive Democratic parental power (balance of nurture and structure) Clear rules and expectations, consistently enforced

Child Anxiety & Parenting Styles

Child Anxiety & Parenting Styles

At a basic level, anxiety occurs when we do two things: (1) exaggerate or overestimate the risk, problem, or threat and (2) underestimate our ability to deal with it. Anxiety is the tense emotional state that happens when situations are unpredictable and have no guarantee. In Dr. Chansky’s book, “Freeing Your Child From Anxiety”, she describes research by Johns Hopkins University, which summarized over twenty studies of parenting factors associated with children. These factor

Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

How Emotional Boundaries are Established

How Emotional Boundaries are Established

We all have our own set of reactions and feelings that are distinctly ours. We respond to our surroundings based on a combination of our histories, values, perceptions, goals and concerns. The importance of having emotional boundaries is so we are able to accurately tell if something is bothering us, what we need in relationships, and when we’ve been emotional violated (or validated). They ultimately keep us safe. Emotional boundaries are that subtle check in your heart th

"Forgive for Good" by Luskin

"Forgive for Good" by Luskin

Imagine that your mind is a giant house, and you are the owner and proprietor. You set the rent, decide who the tenants are, and define the conditions of the lease. Now imagine your hurts and disappointments setting up house in your mind. How much are you wanting to accommodate your grievances? Are you setting them up in the master bedroom and installing for them a hottub on the back deck? Are you letting them take over your bathroom and have their stuff lying around ever

Benefits of Play Therapy

Benefits of Play Therapy

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development." Children naturally communicate through play and sometimes do not have the verbal language to express their thoughts and feelings about issues in life. In play therapy,

How to Confront: Soft vs. Harsh

How to Confront: Soft vs. Harsh

I stumbled across this picture contrasting a harsh start-up and a soft start-up in a confrontational conversation. Dr. Gottman explains in his book, "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work", that he can tell whether a conversation is going end well or not by the first three minutes. Conversations generally end the way they begin. If you'd like your conversations to end positively, soften your approach. #confrontation #relationships #counseling #counselor #therapy #thera

Boundaries

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson Boundaries Relationships make the world go ‘round. Like it or not, we are in this together. In any type of relationship, we often find ourselves in dilemmas of asserting who we are, what we are willing to say or not say, do or not do, and how to not compromise ourselves. Relationships live and thrive or become damaged and even die by the way

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

I recently finished reading this book and found it to be incredibly practical and tangible. They presented the latest research on many topics regarding marriage, shared relevant stories from their own lives, and gave an abundance of tools to actively pursue a healthy relationship. I appreciated the reflection questions at the end of each chapter. It’s one thing to read a book but another thing entirely to apply the information into day-to-day life. The book was structure

Think About These Things

Think About These Things

"The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking." - Albert Einstein ”Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8 “People are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” - Epictetus

Self-Care: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Self-Care: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Whether you’re an exhausted mom, a burnt-out pastor or non-profit volunteer, a therapist struggling with vicarious trauma, or a stressed-out college student, self-care is ESSENTIAL. For everyone. What do I mean by “self-care”? Self-care refers to thoughts and behaviors that enhance health and improve quality of life. It’s different than a narcissistic, self-focused, putting-yourself-above-everyone approach to life. It has nothing to do with that, actually. In fact, I wou

Making Social Connections in PDX. (Isolation is tempting. Relationships are worth the work.)

Making Social Connections in PDX. (Isolation is tempting. Relationships are worth the work.)

I’ve had an influx of people in my practice that are either new to Portland, fresh out of college, or work from home. Either scenario can leave people wondering how to connect with other people. It’s quite obvious that we have an epidemic of loneliness in our culture in general, but to complicate things, try being the newbie or having the feeling of being ‘on your own’. Finding a place to meet that basic need of ‘love and belonging’ can be a real challenge, but I would enc

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Oversharing.

Oversharing.

Stresssss.

Stresssss.

Vulnerability

Four Days in Kentucky

Four Days in Kentucky

Fun Run

Fun Run

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Disclaimer: My writings are a combination of opinions, research, and professional experiences. Reading this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and does not reflect professional advice. For professional advice, you should seek services of a mental health professional.