Heather Lokteff, LPC

We all have our own set of reactions and feelings that are distinctly ours. We respond to our surroundings based on a combination of our histories, values, perceptions, goals and concerns. The importance of having emotional boundaries is so we are able to accurately tell if something is bothering us, what we need in relationships, and when we’ve been emotional violated (or validated). They ultimately keep us safe. Emotional boundaries are that subtle check in your heart th

Imagine that your mind is a giant house, and you are the owner and proprietor. You set the rent, decide who the tenants are, and define the conditions of the lease. Now imagine your hurts and disappointments setting up house in your mind. How much are you wanting to accommodate your grievances? Are you setting them up in the master bedroom and installing for them a hottub on the back deck? Are you letting them take over your bathroom and have their stuff lying around ever

"Your stress response has a built-in mechanism for stress resilience, and that resilience is human connection." #stress #thoughts #health #counseling #counselor #therapy #therapist

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development." Children naturally communicate through play and sometimes do not have the verbal language to express their thoughts and feelings about issues in life. In play therapy,

I’ve had several conversations with people struggling to become more assertive in their communication. I’ve compiled some information on the topic to explain the difference between passivity, assertiveness, and aggression. Assertive communication is based on finding a BALANCE. This requires you to be upfront about your wants and needs while being considerate of the wants and needs of others. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is based on winning. This suggests that you do wha

I stumbled across this picture contrasting a harsh start-up and a soft start-up in a confrontational conversation. Dr. Gottman explains in his book, "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work", that he can tell whether a conversation is going end well or not by the first three minutes. Conversations generally end the way they begin. If you'd like your conversations to end positively, soften your approach. #confrontation #relationships #counseling #counselor #therapy #thera

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage." - Brene Brown #vulnerability #relationships #shame #counseling #therapist #therapy #counselor

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson Boundaries Relationships make the world go ‘round. Like it or not, we are in this together. In any type of relationship, we often find ourselves in dilemmas of asserting who we are, what we are willing to say or not say, do or not do, and how to not compromise ourselves. Relationships live and thrive or become damaged and even die by the way

I recently finished reading this book and found it to be incredibly practical and tangible. They presented the latest research on many topics regarding marriage, shared relevant stories from their own lives, and gave an abundance of tools to actively pursue a healthy relationship. I appreciated the reflection questions at the end of each chapter. It’s one thing to read a book but another thing entirely to apply the information into day-to-day life. The book was structure

Whether you’re an exhausted mom, a burnt-out pastor or non-profit volunteer, a therapist struggling with vicarious trauma, or a stressed-out college student, self-care is ESSENTIAL. For everyone. What do I mean by “self-care”? Self-care refers to thoughts and behaviors that enhance health and improve quality of life. It’s different than a narcissistic, self-focused, putting-yourself-above-everyone approach to life. It has nothing to do with that, actually. In fact, I wou